Social Development Network

a friend of mine has been having some relationship issues from a date via a match-making agency.


and I am not exactly the best dating adviser to her! but I lend all my ears to her:)


another friend has been open to join me for other extra activities to meet new people (well I do hope to build new friendships too but confess my fear of exits again).
another friend has also recently sought my advice for her career options in a crossroads of industry changes; and the more we chat, the more I realise how similar we all feel.


We all desire to belonged to something- a interest group network, a someone that we can spend life with, or a group who recognise who we are in the inside and by the outside to live life along with.


there again, the best network is in the Church built by Jesus (we know but we are greedy humans, aren't we?:)

As we are all in our early or mid 30s now, and it is normal that some people are more proactive in finding their life partners than others (like me).


I have given up all hope to dream that someone will come along to appreciate my inner strengths and welcome my weaknesses into his life.


Not that I do not trust God- in fact I trust that God has given me a special mission instead of finding a soul mate to settle down with. 


Actually, I did not even date before- though there were a few occasions I secretly liked someone silently. And the major happening 'adventure' came upon when I accidentally, or clumsily confessed my feelings to a good friend half a decade ago and this friend disappeared from my life in just one second.


as I traced back our conversations on text, one day we were chatting on having a meal hang out, and 2 days later he stopped replying me or answering my calls.


And actually, I seldom call friends on the phone too (so I must have been really eager to clean the mess then).


The biggest regret in my life was, and still is to have lost a life long worthy friend with common faith and values in such an unprepared and stupid way.


Until the day I can come to terms with why a good friend can be lost in this way, I will keep my heart closed (that Q-ness in me keeps believing platonic friendships that started really well can be rebuilt...)


It has taught me to embrace love for what love is, and continue giving love to my own family, and the network of friends who are still in my circle.


Friendships are meant to be forever, as I learnt when I was a Girl Guide.
And this truth remains.


I miss you, friend, and ex boss.
*Thank you for teaching me how to draft effective marketing strategies and reports, and managing a small team, and it is a pity I cannot share the new tactics and knowledge learnt in the field with you....


The biggest regret is not being able to continue spurring one another on.


Oh and I discovered that my love language is service to others, and words.
If you like me, please tell me in writing ok?:)


pure adoration will encourage us for a long long time....


我喜欢你！

Old Faith

By the grace of technology via youtube, I found this soulful song and listened to it daily before sleep and before any major event at work-


It is in Cantonese and sings of Faith and why Faith is our most crucial partner in life-

Something unpleasant happened at home tonight- I thought my mom would feel anxious and get him to go for a medical check when I gently remind my father and her that perhaps he should go for one (there are ants around his phlegm when I cleaned the basin).


yet her reaction was filled with bitterness and unreleased anger (that my father did not meet her expectations as a husband and father- well, he did flaw in many big and small ways; spendthrift, not working, extra woman...but all past)


Long story, but thank God that He has given me that heart to forgive my father totally (I could feel my heart for him as he ages; I really hope he can get healed by the grace of God)


Then again I still wish that mom can continue to care for him as any ageing couple would. Probably mom's bitterness is beyond what I can imagine.


Anyway, instead of becoming upset (tempting to be down over their unreconciled relationship), I decide to trust it all unto God's hands. The only way for my parents to be happy is to embrace a different Faith, and I am not even referring to 'religion'.

Images of a perfect marriage of my parents- I wish from young to have loving parents, but  I am 33 now, old enough to have my own family but perhaps am too scared to have one. Then again, seeing my brother's sweet little family growing cheers us all at home.
so, I entrust everything, every past and current and future to my another Father's hands-

~Faith is being sure of what we do not see~

The Faith in this song sings out all that humans today need to grasp.


Shared by a fellow disciple on youtube, I thought her words are very heart-throbbing and real:

信心 — 就是禱告之後，完全相信，用讚美和感謝去等待神的答案。 
信心 — 就是當你看不見、感覺不到時，仍然相信神始終在這裡。 
信心 — 就是在最黑暗的光景中，還能禱告、唱詩、讚美神。 
信心 — 就是敢在毫無勝利徵兆之時，單憑神的話，向神索取所應許的勝利。
信心 — 就是耐性等候神。 
信心 — 就是「只見耶穌」，「仰望耶穌」。
信心 — 就是以神的話為算數，在未見應驗之前就已深信不疑。
信心 — 不是維繫於我們足夠堅定的信念，也不在於我們情緒的高亢或平穩，­而 是依靠神對祂話語的保證！
信心 — 就是不看自己，只看全能的神。 
信心 — 是記住在神的國度裡，事事都基於神的應許，而不是憑感覺。 
信心 — 就是當神以「不！」回答我的祈求時，我仍能確信祂將安排最好的給­我。 
信心 — 就是停止憂慮，而把未來交託給掌管一切的神。
 信心 — 就是不看環境，完全信賴神的話語。 
信心 — 就是相信我們所看不見的；信心的酬報，就是看見我們所相信的。 

Platoon mates

Ran another Student Information session for one of the visiting Faculty Deans in town today.

Thanks to my boss' spirit of support and reminders from down under, I always manage to run events on my own at ease. Seldom do I feel agitated or fumble about things not done- there is always a plan B in my dictionary now that I have learnt how to manage events and matters independently.


however, I do appreciate the days (short few years) of organising and coordinating events (well, was not managing them then yet) with a group of co workers.


really miss the days of pure laughter, teases and food together after events.


The most tiring were at the youth centre; to summarise, I did everything from tele calling, to daunting paperwork and to carrying barricades (for charity marathons), at the non-profit centre. As a donor to 2 main charities now, I can imagine what goes on when I do not hear from the coordinator for months-----


---Because I used to be slow (overwhelmed with work) in designing follow up letters, or e-mailers (I did not have the talent to do eDM then) to the volunteers and donors!---


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Woke up today with a strange recall of a dream on 2 lost friends last night. In fact, they are the first pair of twin brothers whom I met and known as friends, and shared some good memories with. Both are talented and worked in the education industry too.


Both have sent me home on separate nights in the same black integra some years ago after a night work function.


(I keep wondering if this little car has also met her dooms and sent for scraps-)


As melodrama movies plot about the highs and lows of friendships gained, and then lost, I have commanded my heart to let down of the ache of missing these friends, and never to cry too much over the regretful yet meaningful friendships (which explains why this blog survives- writing keeps me alive and hopeful of friendships again).


2 boys, born in the same dragon year in 1976, went on to study in the same secondary school as my blood brother, and then moved along to the same college as I did, and finally graduated from the same program at the university I too attended.


人生还会有几个巧合啊？！


It never was a coincidence to have met this pair of twins.
I dreamt last night that they visited me and gave me a friendly hug; a pure pure one, which reconciles our lost and dead friendship.


Maybe I was very wrong that year, at that time.
But my heart for these friends stay determined even as the moons curves in and out of that lonely sky.


I am sure they had a lot more trying times in these seasons than me when we were no longer in touch, and many nights, I thought how warm it just would be if we could just sit down and chat over the learnings and new insights we had in our careers.


*fighting on the same battle front still; but both at different sides of the battle line*


If there is a reason/term to describe why I miss them so much (even though I only worked with one of these twins, and had a brief casual friendship with the other who visited his brother on and off work at times); it was because they taught me what it is like to be in a team as 'Platoon mates'.


We fought the longest war ever (on moving the company out of its infancy stage), but I lost the fight and had a brain damage.


Hahahaha.
Yah; it was like 'fell head over heels';) I was so dumb.


Thank God for protecting my brain and allowing it to function Q-ly still. 


I feel glad about where I am today; but it remains another wish to pray to meet and reconcile with these friends again.


It was a cloudy day, I remembered; we chat about where we lived in and he pointed to me the block which he stayed via the National Library balcony at Level 7 (outside the Possibility Room where a work event ended).

and I read the block where they stayed will be demolished soon (or maybe they have moved out long ago...)


*******************************************************************************
Today's work event ended well; though a little tired out (with the over seeing of things and running about single handedly- it was after-all just a mini event), I cannot help but feel an pitch of ache and down trying to make sense of the dream last night.


It was such a sweet dream, to reconcile with lost friends, then however it takes faith to accept it is just a passing dream and more reality awaits tomorrow.


I thank God for strengthening me with that mode of 'switched on and off' where the 'sad/affected' button is. It has been a great journey discovering the inner weaknesses and strengths of myself- the me He created for a bigger reason than what life's petty problems may throw at me.


(and in real awakening, my deep emotions for friendships lost have allowed me to be more open, talkative, and understanding and able to relate to men, and women of various background- it brought along more friends than I thought I would have in my tiny work circle- 


well, as a matter of fact, I still do not have physical work colleagues to see daily, after leaving the 'small' non-profits- all my plans went wry since 2008;)

One day perhaps, all of us will end up watching the Aurora Lights together in Europe or Alaska:)


I look forward and will pray to that day-+)


Jesus too;)

Thursday Night Jogs: 在最初 放不開 最終會 放下來

內疚的 識痛哭 懷恨的 會治療 
做錯的　也許根本不算做錯 
在最初 放不開 最終會 放下來 
然後飛 然後得到最後快樂 

若眼睛 沾了灰 若記憶 帶著藍 
渡過的 至少統統都要渡過 

原來愛 會使我長出了幼羽毛 
柔順的 平靜的 蓋掩我 
曾後悔的 虧欠的 重頭認過 
認出我 為存在更輕狂 
如上半生在蹉跎 餘生安在身旁 
何謂愛 也許不知道的比明白更多 

*My favourite song in the ipod during jogs-

As of most Thursday evenings after work, I would go jogging around my house.

At the Bedok Park.

While not at all the best place to jog, for it contains some painful memories of crying while jogging in those earlier years of road to healing from an unexpected loss of meaningful relationships.

It is quite over now because I find it not easy to cry as before!

The fact that I can jog in a place which contains undesirable memories mean a great leap of faith to surrender all the past to God and move forward.

I started jogging on my own since 19. 

This routine continued all through the last decade until tonight. Jogging at my own pace is one of my most favourite activity, for it allows me to time to breathe more, see more, think more and spend time with my Father in Heaven.

Not kidding you, I tend to talk to myself during such jogs, and every time someone passes me, I will pretend I am invisible and ignore his/her stares. 

Jogging slowly allows me to heal my heart and skin (the sweat drops that flow down from the forehead is a type of continuous skin therapy!), and heart.

Research has shown that exercise on a regularly regime, at a comfortable pace is healthier than over exercising at a tremendous amount. Therefore, no mass runs for me, for I hate the crowds- I mean, I need a big space to jog and talk to the sky at the same time.

The 2 ex colleagues/bosses whom I celebrated life with in 2007 enjoyed jogging as well. We spoke of jogging together during May 2007 (the conversation somehow remains clearly intact in my not very utilised brain at this phase). 

It was always another dream to go on a jog with these 2 friends meaningfully missed. Meaningfully because the value of my life increased by 200% after crossing their paths, which made me more aware of who I am and who I can become.

No longer do I want to miss them deeply (or regretfully -:(

I want to remember their encouragement during happy times and will allow no more sad days to come in whenever I feel tempted to be sad that my work memories can no longer be with these comrades:-)

Some days, I feel it was as though the few of us then fought a long war and established a bond of kinship that would last forever.  And of course I was like a war-veteran last few years, broken, lost, poor in spirit and sad having 'move' out of the war field.

With this new job 2 years ago, I finally settled down in spirit and experienced the total surrender I never had one day during my jog.

It was as if Jesus came back to jog along with me too-

I reckon I had over relied on that human friendship, and in turn mistaken it as a sign of direction (their dreams became mine in 3 months, how bizarre), and a comfort zone of a 2nd family (father, mentor, brother kind of comfort shoulders).

So, whatever will happen from here will be a total surrender to God. I no longer chase after the impossible, or have that old courage to do something naively, for magic is no longer so real!

Then again, I believe in rainbows still.

The day I can see another rainbow at the Bedok Park shall be the time to decide and pursue my dreams.

And these dreams are a few; people related (find these old friends), and vocation related.

They told me Bedok park is going to be demolished very soon, to make way for the new public swimming complex.

I better save enough money to move away from more construction dust again!!!!

*Faint*

內疚的 識痛哭 懷恨的 會治療 
做錯的　也許根本不算做錯 
在最初 放不開 最終會 放下來 
然後飛 然後得到最後快樂

I honestly love you and you'll never walk alone- He told me

Today is Easter Sunday.


I believe (and many millions over centuries) believed that Jesus died on the cross for our sins 2013+ years ago so that we can live on.


Humanity continued because of Jesus- isn't it amazing how our calendar is dated according to the Birth of Jesus Christ? It surely meant that Jesus is not a fad, or idol or legend, He is real:)


Often, there are misconceptions on why Christianity is about mankind. I shall not go indepth here for it will stretch beyond 100 pages. However, God has been my personal Savior when I received him as my Master in 1999, 20 October.


God washed away my sins (those ill temper frustrated youth growing up years), and gave me new friendships in Church. Truthfully, I was quite a loner in first year in university and had no idea what intimate friendships mean. There was heavy resistance to accept new friends after Secondary School (Girl Guides was the world to me from 1992 to 1998).


Interestingly yet on a learning scale, I see repeated patterns of my character falling into sentimentality when I moved out of a job in end 2007 and refused to allow new people to get into my life until 2010.


(I believe everyone goes through such pain when they lose someone special, a family/kin, a close friend.....the pain of losing familiar friends, people, family in a snap can kill the heart, so, I feel proud to have properly healed from a broken heart!)


Oh lonely days were in 2008. I basically ate alone, travelled alone, did everything alone in 2008 until 2009 was over where I decided to brave myself to start afresh in my career, community and family life. Atrociously, I was led to a job as a Sales manager leading 5 younger colleagues in my most broken and weak year in my personal life.


Yet 2009's work experience is something very valuable and a milestone. I had little community support (meaning peers who could relate) that year but my interim supervisor Jen and mentor SW gave me a pat that last until today. 贵人，they were:)


The awful feeling of loneliness in 2008 never quite come back but some days, I still feel a little of that familiar feeling especially on festive occasions.


(my family is a small one; I eat my meals at home almost daily and spent a lot of time with my family these 2 years than ever, and after completing my family activities, I find the day only half gone and would have plenty of energy and time to wonder around...)


It is 2012 and Today, I still work alone but the loneliness has reduced by heaps.


And on Good Friday's bible group meeting at a friend's house, I shared about the breakthrough in my life this year being my overcoming of loneliness at work. It was a victorious moment as I went to the meeting with a very open heart to meet new people again. I shared about being really impacted by the series of sermons on Missions and how much my heart desired to give and serve (though the direction is not yet too clear because I am preoccupied with completing some immediate tasks in my current role, and phase before moving on).


This Easter reminds me of 2 ex colleagues from the 3ds media school. I have not thought about them for the couple of months. I still hope that their walk with God continues steadily and it remains another wish to one day have a green tea meal cum prayer with these 2 warriors-in-dreams-alike.


I miss the fact that we can no longer support one another in our work paths daily, towards a common objective. That comradeship feeling faded as time passes but it comes back once a while. 


(actually, my strategy used in curbing the missing-ness is to sweep the matter under the door and just live on with current phase of life, as I know that there are tasks to be done, life to be lived, people to be cared for still, though I still have not met such remarkable friends at work as these again after 2007 ended.)


Friends, I thank you for showing me much love over these few years. And honestly, I have never sought friendship as deep and much than in these few years.


And honestly, your care and words of encouragement helped lead me out of the blue-y days and lonesome days.


But there is another someone who has been wooing me all my life.


'I honestly love you'; he said.
adding in another line, my heart was very comforted as he spoke of his heart for me.
'You'll never walk alone..'


(video of You'll never walk alone- in musical CAROUSEL)

and I am hoping to love him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength in obedience again.


He loves me.
He loves you too.


His name is Yahweh.

Without you, without me. 沒有過去的你 便無今天的我

This song really makes me happy all the time, and keeps me joyful working alone in my office:)

*Today, I gave up my seat for a family of 5 who did not have a seat at the Polar Cafe at Terminal 1. I was at Terminal 1 having a quiet time with the sunlight, Creator and his messages.

I shifted to a corner seat that faces the sunlight and felt God upon my shoulders:)

and no wonder it is one of my favorite rejuvenation songs of 2012.
It spells out my career journey, and transitions from 28 to 30s-

it was never meant to be 'jumping around', but more of a journey to reach the place where I did not know how to reach and ended up in detours.
(that 'place' was to work for Medecins Sans Frontieres- backdated dream. The dream ended when I decided to move on in 2010.)

I never used to like Miriam Yeung as a singer, but as how my own life turns out too (I did not plan to set aside my goal and fall in love 4 years ago, did not plan to work in the places I had worked in, including current one....), I fell in love with her character (from videos watched), and her songs! I learnt deeply that we humans are flexible and susceptible to changes, for we all have a survival instinct.

The song summarises my long term side personal goal to drink wine and beer with a group of lost friends from a previous workplace some years ago.

沒有過去的你 便無今天的我

Let's work hard for our dreams together, one day at a time and reunited when the day of rejoicing and reunion comes:)

作曲 : 陳輝陽　


填詞 : 林夕

編曲 : 陳輝陽

監製 : 陳輝陽



誰曾蕩失路 是誰為我擲毫 為何運氣一來到 便只懂講你好

你我曾像水造 日夜一起哭訴

成就令你堅強到 就連憶苦思甜也要吞吐



沒有過去的你 便無今天的我 天不怕 但怕歌 未可唱到奈何

為了世界不細 人情越講越多 甚麼都慶賀 甚麼都找另一個



你我償盡心願 活在各自樂園

朝華麗理想行近 為何舉杯之後更覺疏遠



沒有放肆的你 何來斗膽的我 天不怕 但怕歌 未可唱到奈何

為了世界不細 人情越講越多 甚麼都慶賀 甚麼都找另一個



路太多 腳太累 追不到原來樂趣

你我友誼還能延續幾歲



沒有過去的你 便無今天的我 天不怕 但怕歌 未可唱到奈何

為了世界不細 人情越講越多 甚麼都慶賀 甚麼都找另一個



誰曾蕩失路 在誰造的堡壘 尋覓愉快的憑據 飲香檳不喝水

你我曾像水造 落在洶湧海裡

葡萄尚種於園裡 若能飲酒思源更快飲醉


I'll Follow I'll Follow I'll Follow


 
*I'll follow you, Father, Master of my life.

Those naive days- 10 years on

That year was 2003, just after I recovered from a sudden unknown virus attack that resulted in my sinus blockage.


In late 2001, I was a fresh graduate, uncertain of the career path that is lying ahead of me. Still driven by 'Beauty & the Beast', and 'Power of the dream 1996 Olympics' then at 22, I decided that the commerce world is not for me.


Ironically, I graduate with a merit pass in Bachelor of Business, majoring in Marketing from the NTU in June 2001.


But until today, I have no regrets giving up my offer into the School of Architecture and Design (Degree in Real Estate Management) and going over to the Nanyang Business School.


If that transfer had not happened, I would not have the experiences in the last decade, including learning who the Creator is and how to fall in love (with beings and souls), over dreams.


In everything, God is behind the scene:)


After graduation, I landed in a series of temp, casual appointments, first with the National University of Singapore's Department of Social Work & Psychology. My job then as a temp administrator was to follow up with postgraduate applications into the Masters of Social Work program.


It was from this temp job of 4 months (was initially 3 months maternity leave cover, but the Department Head extended my stay to cover data entry for the Social Work department's 50th anniversary alumni dinner) that I 'sort of' decided I want to go into the local Social Services- without knowing what that consist of.


Today, part of my job covers identifying and building relations with the Singapore alumni of this number 1 university in Australia. Pretty connected as things are turned out to be!- I know exactly why and how a university needs to raise funds by now and why alumni dinners are an integral part of the fundraising department in a full fledged university.


Back to 2003 to 2004, this period of my earlier working history was with this little non-profit organisation that serves the epileptic community in Singapore. I applied for this role because I did not think the bigger charities will give me a chance, and I wanted to learn as much as I can in a smaller organisation as I was 'quiet' and 'easily neglected' by others.


And I was quite desperate to get a job in a non-profit after resting for 4 months since my sinus virus almost took my life literally (it was an unexplainable 3 months of sinus blockage which resulted in green thick mucus that eventually back flew from my throat- and breathing was with such difficulty that every time I lie down to sleep or rest, I fear I might never wake up again). 


Gradually, I fast on cold drinks, spicy, fried foods, until recent years when I let down of my fears. No one can really understand why I avoid spicy or fried foods in my daily diet. 
In a way, I have little choice- my body resisted such foods completely and in a way, I feel healthier sticking to the greens and soups.


Not that I avoid carbohydrates, I cannot live without starch!


Being loud was never me, not then, not now. But I have become very used to being 'loud' and persuasive with my emails, and words. I can write and write until Jesus comes back for the 2nd time!


The Epilepsy Care Group Singapore is run by a group of volunteers, and a rather stubborn old school Executive Director. Well, I had my fair share of indifferences with this ex boss due to his autocratic style of working. However, deep at heart, we both were clear about our interest to do something for the less fortunate people of our society. He was a social worker by training and had been a great mentor to me at work then. In my role as a Program Assistant at the centre, I coordinated membership programs for the epileptic members (we were not supposed to use the term epileptic; but 'people with epilepsy), and helped in book keeping, programs planning, events coordination, fundraising activties, and coordinating day to day running of the Thrift Shop.


Oh yes, the centre was located at a very very eerie old building off Dunearn Road where the old Breast Cancer Foundation used to be situated too. And the ground tenant was the Singapore Heart Foundation.


My work email was the office generic email (actually, this really made me feel that I was missing out of the big world- I mean, how could one work without a personalised email?) and the internet connection was a dial up one. My boss and I took turns to use the internet. Before the centre became a 2-men show team, there was another senior program person who left after 3 months, and his position was filled by another who came and left in a few months' time.


I was kind of the longest staying at that era.
But not long- just about 1 year +.


And the centre paid me SG$1500.
And my salary was to remain below SG$2000 until 2006.


Yes, such green naive drive I had then, in my early 20s. With youth and passion, I thought I was saving the world in a way by making sure every phone call that I made to persuade the epileptic members to come for sessions and activities was sincere and supportive.


One of the most interesting incidents that happened (well a negative one) was a scolding from my boss for being 'over the boundary' by taking over some aspects of his role as a Counsellor. It happened there was a female member who liked to drop by the centre to help at the Thrift Shop and she would also spent long hours chatting with me.


Above all, I felt overly great about myself then!!!


My exit from this centre was not too pleasant, in fact it was with some tears too (I held as usual too much emotions to the work I was doing but frustrated about some areas). I felt there was too little in scope and exposure (we kept doing the same things, in routine) and gradually, I realised the only way to grow is to move out.


And having no colleagues was one major depressing factor. 
I had no idea how you or they worked in Raffles Place or in a normal office.


But I was never attracted to go join the ranks of those working as Office Ladies then. Never was I interested to look at marketing job ads at all.


Never.


Strangely, I now think very differently. Even if someone is to pay me the market rate of a professional now to rejoin a charity, I no longer see it as appealing to work in a local voluntary welfare organisation, partially because I have learnt what I wanted to learnt at the grassroots level and my interest has elevated to policy making levels.


I now know of another better way to make impacting changes to the world- by writing!


***************************************************************************************************


There is a saying that people change with time, places and experiences, and it has happened to me. I have changed from the naive 23-year-old, to the now seasoned 33-year-old.


But I choose child likeness at times, for we live once only!!! Play!


Today, I am happy to share out this hidden period of my life- not many friends knew in detail what my NPO job experiences were about, or rather it was too out of the world to even start a topic with anyone in my community then. For long periods, I also felt no one understood my heart until I met my ex bosses at the 3dsense Media School in 2006.


To many, they thought I was a volunteer that worked full time, received very little money and was 'very sacrificial'. Only God knew how I managed through those days of working without colleagues.


The only constant thing that remains is:


I am still working without colleagues in my office physically today, for 2 years almost.
And I will continue to work hard in my day job because I am old now!


Too old to move around for dreams.


Anyway, dreams 1.0 died, and dreams 2.0 vanished.
And I am contented with who I am and what I am doing today.


For I have tried, learnt, fallen down, picked myself up, and learnt to love and be loved.
And my Sinus problem has become better!!!


And I do not miss the past people at work any more.


Because you are with me today:)
my family, brother, sister, best friends, sisters from church.


though I still hope to see my ex bosses from the media school again, before I die.

One thing that remains over the 10 years is the Airport control tower- 

Power of the dream + Beauty & the Beast= Save the world dream

What do power of the dream and Beauty & the Beast have in common?

Both songs are sang by Celine Dion, the Diva of Divas.
And both songs marked the beginning of the realisation of 'life is more than pursuing happiness for my own sake' (and more than this provincial life).

Looking back, both songs directed my growing up years from 1992 to the late 90s.

The soundtrack of Beauty & the Beast was the first cassette I bought using my allowance in 1992. And I also went on to buy the soundtrack of the 1996 Atlanda Summer Olympics.

Olympics! Sports! Sunshine!

Listening to the Power of the Dream today, all those memories of post secondary school, to the pre-university years emerged. I went to the Tampines Junior College with an aggregate of 13 points in my GCE O Levels, which was not fantastic scores, but good enough to continue public education, with no sincere aim of entering the local universities.

Huh?

Everyone wanted to go on to study in NUS or NTU but there I was, affected by the insecurities and parents' quarrels at home, shfiting of houses repeatedly and not knowing what tomorrow would be, I indulged in the books and media for solace and encouragement (whatever TV was broadcasting- thanks to the SBC in the 90s).

It was in 1997 where life seemed really meaningless that I got attracted by the idea of becoming a heroine of sort, ideally the job scope of Mother Theresa and Princess Diana combined (oh and I had no social life; I went to school, babysat sis, and studied and my only hobby was buying my favorite bread- a tuna and a cream base one at the confectionary down the street in Bedok central).

**************************************************************************************
Tears rushed out without any warning earlier, as I listened one more time to this song:

like the double-edged sword, the words of this song blazingly cut my heart deep and brought about a soothing sense of 'hope', 'yes, this is what I prayed for then', 'yes, everything is falling in place', yet also cut through the inner painful memories of that 3 years of insecurities, and lousiness in life.

Teenage years could have been more enjoyable; but God came not too long after that to make up those lost years in my teenage years. 1999 was a year of new fun and hang outs with a new group who loved me for who I was;)

YES formed in my mind and heart after recollecting the lyrics of this powerful song on dreams.

Deep within each heart

There lies a magic spark
That lights the fire of our imagination
And since the dawn of man

The strength of just "I can"
Has brought together people of all nations


There's nothing ordinary
In the living of each day
There's a special part
Every one of us will play

Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
As the world gives us its best

To stand apart from all the rest
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

Your mind will take you far
The rest is just pure heart
You'll find your fate is all your own creation
And every boy and girl
As they come into this world
They bring the gift of hope and inspiration


Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
The world in lights and hope and peace

We'll pray that you will always be
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

There's so much strength in all of us
Every woman child and man
It's the moment that you think you can't
You'll discover that you can

Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
(To bring us closer to) the power of the dream
The world in lights and hope and peace
(We'll pray that) it will always be

It is the power of the dream that brings us here

(The power of the dream)
(The faith in things unseen)
(The courage to embrace your fear)
(No matter where you are)
(To reach for your own star)

To realize the power of the dream

I really like this part of the song, and it was this moment where my tears just flow without warning....that immerse soulful feeling was beyond description.

Your mind will take you far

The rest is just pure heart
You'll find your fate is all your own creation
And every boy and girl
As they come into this world
They bring the gift of hope and inspiration

at this instance, I thought about my little nephew Renjie and the many kids some of you have, or will soon bore, and felt how amazing life is in the cycle of reproduction.

and I smile and smile and smile:):):):)

On a sunday afternoon spent by myself, I feel loved by the universe when I heard this song again.

and it was so clear that God used this song to reassure me that no matter who we are, how insignificant our roles in home, work, networks maybe now, we matter to God and this world, and like 'every boy and girl who come into this world, we bring a gift of hope and inspiration'.

I am already 33, and it is time to really leave all the past, good ones especially remain inside and have the bad moments serve as a good foundation lesson to push me up the hill of ever lasting victory as a human being.

and as a human being today, my roles are plenty.

I am happy as a single and this means I can definitely afford to sponsor an orphan (or more).
I am happy that I am single today too because this means that my role is going to be special as a human being going about climbing up the ladder of social politics, and international advocacy stage to impact policies for betterment of humanhood in the developing countries.

and I can do so much more that what I think I can.

Because God says so.
and Celine Dion sang so:)

Daily deeds day 4 is about thanking God for music.

Earth is a transition. Heaven is the goal

It was a beautiful family day yesterday, where my brother, his wife, his son, my mom and I went to JB to spend time with my maternal grandma. My only grandparent still surviving, much of our family time comprises of hanging out with her in recent years and my mother's heart for her own mother inspired me a lot.

My mom did not grow up in a well protected family. Her father( my maternal grandfather) died in a road accident when she was barely 10 and she being the eldest took up the burden of feeding the family of 8 children by going out into the plantation and factories to work. She worked the jobs of a modern day laborer then, in her youth. And she was born in the little rough town of Ipoh Malaysia.


But God took care of my mom, even as she is not yet a believer. Actually, God took care of me so that I can learn how to take care of my mom as she ages.


*INSPIRATION


Charice is the next singer I am really looking out for; born into a single parent family, this young Filipino singer made it to the US and world stage as a Singer and is now one of the most recognisable young female singer who is to take after Celine Dion's Diva title in time....

David Foster is just like a Father to her, but I believe Charice remembers God as her true Father in heaven too. With a God bestowed talent, nothing can hide her from being discovered.....

Truly God will have his timing for us and my family.
(for us who are believers, we do yearn for our family members to accept Christ too and enjoy the eternal life promised in Heaven)


On our way back from JB to Bedok along the Express way, I saw these words on the electronic directives over the road:


DRIVE SAFELY FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR LOVED ONES

and a non-earthly thinking sank in-  'Yes, spending time with our family and friends is important but yet not something we should live entirely for'-

-we live only once, and that earth is really just a transition-

For a few reasons, I did not manage to make it to sunday worship in these few weeks.

And somehow, I always end up thirsting for the word of God and yearn for a date in peace with our Father in Heaven.

So, the airport has also been a prayer and dating place for Me to spend time with God. Some of you will understand why such dating times with the Creator is necessary, while some of you will not understand now.

the truth is, spending time soaking in God's words (the bible was written centuries ago yet the power of her words still applies today; this is how amazing the word of God is*) makes me feel cleansed with that strength to go on living and finding my fit in this big big world out there.

the truth also is, for people like me who is neither the best nor worst (in appearance, skills, background, health etc), insecurities and lack of confidence found us right in primary school. Having studied some psychology and human behavior, I now understand what made me behave the way I used to.

My family is quite a well blessed one now except for that gap (of security) in my growing up years. Sometimes, I would wonder how our lives (my brother, me and my sis) would turn out if we had grown up in a less conflicting family with more cordial and attentive parents. Those words of affirmation and encouragement never quite come out from my parents often growing up, and ironically, it was the lyrics of pop and musical songs that pumped in that extra adrenalin for me (and my bro, I believe) to pursue our studies and work with pride.

- thus,finding my fit and self confidence has been the most difficult tasks of these 33 years-

admittedly,part of my lethargy, down times, sad days during the last decade in work history was also due to the lack of satisfaction from being recognised by the world around me. Yet the Creator taught me that no human soul is born wasted- even the sweeper has a divine role to play and even if our jobs are to only sweep the floors, we ought to do with with pride and joy and duty.

But my dream is that one day you all will see where I fit and be happy for me:)
And certainly today's daily deed is a long thought and prayer for an old friend of mine in her job search and career transition.

+Anna, you will make it out of this dark period, for as long as HE is there, we will find the joy in our being alive on earth.

To all my friends who are in transitional stages and challenges now, hang on, for this is just a moment out of infinity in Heaven.

We'll die soon, but we'll live forever;)




 

Daily Deeds Day 2: Farewell Mrs Fields Cafe

Mrs Field's cafe at the Esplanade mall has been one of my favourite hang out places for the last 5-6 years.

I first got to know her in 2006 when I was undecided if to stay on in the social services/non-profit or move out to a whole new industry in the commercial world.
(That was the same period when I got to know Singapore Art Cafe, then followed by being hired by 3dsense Media School for my first Marketing job in a commercial world.


Though the media school is a Pte Ltd, she remains a social enterprise in my vocabulary and heart).


Ok, the lead character today is Mrs Field's cafe.


Though many shops have come and gone at the Esplanade Mall, Mrs Field's cafe remained steady and calm amidst the changes of the mall tenants in the last 5 years. For frequent patrons like me, it never quite occur to me that one day she will be gone.


Her quiet yet persevering spirit is also another attractive factor why I repeat my visits to the cafe, besides the cosy feeling she gives you over a cup of white coffee and freshly baked cookies. 


In every being and object's journey, death seems an ultimate route (though not necessary the final or worst fate). My heart sank when I heard from the one of the cafe aunties that the cafe is going to close down in a few months' time.


CLOSURE.
THE END.


Mrs Field's brand is imported from the United states, as I read, and started by an american woman named Debbi Fields in 1977. However, I also read somewhere that the company started by Mrs Fields has gone through tedious restructuring to avoid bankruptcy.


Sincerely, I hope that Mrs Fields will emerge clean and strong to continue on her operations in the United States and other parts of the world.
I read that they still have 10 over stores in Hong Kong!


But sadly, all the Singapore stores are closed, leaving the last one standing at the Esplanade Mall. The reason for the closure is probably linked to the main company's financial issues in the States. 


And the traffic at the Esplanade Mall is rather seasonal so it means tougher sustainability operating in this mall. 


There are 3 aunties who work at Mrs Fields cafe at the Esplanade and I know all 3 of them. 2 of them always give me 'staff' discounts and perhaps this is one of the reasons why I continue to return to the cafe for after lunch cuppa cum work part 2 of the day. The one who works in the morning until mid-afternoon is the most friendliest while the late afternoon to night one often seems fierce and unapproachable.


But trust me, all 3 of them are the best baristas ever because rarely do you find Singaporeans handling a cafe job now.


The only gripe is the low or nil wi-fi access at the cafe:(


I will be going to Mrs Fields Cafe at the Esplanade mall weekly from now onwards until it closes, and I hope to do something with the cafe before she declares closed.


Deep inside my heart (as usual...many ideas....), I dream of holding a special farewell party for her by co-running a charity sale with her.


Why not?


This shall be my side-project to focus on for the next 2 months apart from my day job!


*after drinking my usual white coffee earlier, I did an unusual deed by cleaning my table and return the cup to the auntie on duty and gave her a Big Goodbye and (see you again)!


My daily deed today has actually been a sweet heart-ful thought for this wonderful cafe in the art mall in Singapore.


She is still around tomorrow but soon she will be gone.


I am already starting to miss her.
I will miss her.


Do you want to have a cuppa with me here soon?


Let's hope I get to date the person I want to date here before she closes down:-)


WHO?
God knows.


+-+)